The Heartbreaking Silence
by Tsarsilver
Summary: Dean and Sam Winchester are unbreakable. So they cannot be dead. This mindset has Castiel going to extreme measures to bring back those he loves. But are they truly gone?


**I do now own supernatural. Pinky-Promise. :)**

**Warnings- ****Character Death ** **Lots** **of man-crying.**

**Please enjoy!**

_The Heartbreaking Silence_

Castiel realized how he must look, dripping wet, carrying at least seven heavy books down the street alone. But he just ignored the questioning glances that were thrown at him. He was on a mission. It wasn't an extravagant mission, nor was it truly important. But Dean had asked him to do it, and Castiel would follow Dean's orders til the end of his life, no matter how miniscule they were. This particular request had been to just go down to the closest library and bring back any and all books on a monster called the Gowrow. He had hoped to be done before it had started to rain, but it seemed his luck just was not on his side that day. Before, he would have simply flown back to the motel he and the Winchesters were residing at. But now, he was powerless, completely cut off from the light of heaven. This meant no wings, no healing, no grace. Just thinking about his falling made the former angel's shoulders sag and his chin to drop. But his becoming human did not come without its benefits. For now he was "forced" to spend almost all his time with the Winchesters. Eating with _him_, driving with _him_, hunting with _him. _He had not meant to become so attached to Dean. Before, it was his heavenly duty to constantly watch over the riotous man. But now . . . there was something different. Being around Dean made him feel strange. And this feeling was only with Dean. He had done several tests to see if the odd sensation occurred when he was around Sam, but it seemed the light, airy feeling only came about when he was in Dean's presence.

Just thinking about the oldest Winchester made Castiel's lips form a slight smile. But he quickly wiped it off his face. He was nearly at the frankly shady motel and he did not want to raise Dean's or Sam's suspicions on his good mood. He had just been out in the rain for twenty minutes, they would obviously know something was amiss if he came back happy.

Castiel began to pull the key given to him by Dean out of his coat pocket, balancing his heavy stack of books on his other arm, when he realized that the door was slightly ajar. Looking back on that moment now, he realized this should have been his first clue that something was wrong. But ignoring every scream of protest his mind gave, he opened the door and stepped inside.

The sight that met him would appear behind his eyelids every time he had the misfortune of shutting his eyes for years to come.

Sprawled on one of the beds was Dean, but he was not asleep, he was lying in a shallow pool of his own blood. Deep cuts were running all the way up from his calves to his abdomen. Castiel hadn't even realized he was screaming until he dropped his stack of books. He ran over to the side of the bed where Dean's mangled body lay and furiously began to check for a pulse, a shallow breath, a slight blink of an eye, anything. But there was nothing. Only Dean's hollow and glazed over expression as his dead eyes stared blankly at the ceiling above.

No, no, no, this couldn't be happening! Castiel began to think, filled with panic. Dean Winchester is unbreakable! He can not be . . . no it is impossible! But in that moment, looking down at his wounds, Dean looked like the most fragile thing in existence. And he had let him break.

In his panicked state, Castiel began to frantically press his fingers against Dean's forehead in some effort to heal him. Over and over again he repeated the touch, waiting for the wounds to disappear. He stopped suddenly, realizing now the foolishness of what he was attempting to do without the aid of his powers.

Castiel began to look around the room, what for, he didn't really know himself. But when his eyes came across the corner of the dark room, for the second time that day, Castiel let out a scream of utter agony. This time it was Sam's body, bloody and broken, slumped over at a chair. The light from his laptop still casting an eerie glare onto his blood stained face. Leaving Dean momentarily Cas rushed over to Sam, checking for any signs of life.

Again, all he found was the heartbreaking silence that came with the fatal hand of death. Cas wanted to return to Dean, but he thought that just leaving Sam's body ungraciously bleeding onto the desk was just too cruel. So with all the care and gentleness he could muster at that moment, he picked up Sam's lifeless form in his trembling arms and moved toward the empty bed. Once there, he began to tuck his friend into the sheets, like one would a small child. He knew it did not matter now, but he had to cover up his wounds, the bloody tears marring his flesh were unbearable to look at that.

Once Sam's body was safely under the covers, Castiel obediently returned to Dean's side. Something about the way Dean's form hung limply off the bed or maybe it was how sickly pale the tone of his skin had become with the lack of blood in his system which now pooled into a red puddle on the sheets, whatever it was, it caused Castiel to fully realize that Dean was really dead. No longer would his smile light up the room, brighter than the lights of heaven. No longer would Dean ever crack a joke in poor taste, nor would he ever even speak to Castiel again. All of these things combined formed the initial crack in Castiel's outer wall. And for the first time time the angel's life, he began to cry.

The tears flowed freely and silently down his cheeks onto Dean's own, carrying away the blood that stained his face with streaks of salty pain. Cas furiously wiped away his tears. Dean would call him a baby if he saw him be so weak as to cry. But Dean was not here. He would never be here, Cas could never tell him . . .

"Dean . . ." Cas said, his voice already cracking. He moved up on the bed so that his hunter's head lay on his lap as if it were a precious gift. " I thought you needed to know that you and Sam are the best things that could have happened to me . . . but you Dean . . ." Cas heard his voice tremble and crack again like he was truly nervous for the words he was going to allow out of his mouth. " You are worth more than anything that has ever happened or will ever happen to me. A-And my feelings I harbor towards you are not those that a friend should feel towards another, this I know. But no matter what I do, these feelings will not leave me." Castiel considered ending his confession to Dean's soulless body then and there, but he decided he had nothing to loose at that point, Everything he cared for had been cruelly stolen from him.

" I . . . I do not know if my feelings for you are those of love, for I have never experienced love before. But whatever my feelings are, I never want them to end. Being around you is hot and cold and every temperature in between. And I know it to be impossible, but when I am apart from you, my heart feels like it is broken, even thought it has sustained no real damage." He now raised Dean's head so that it was cradled in his arms. In life, the hunter would have never allowed for such a display of affection, but now it was the only thing that kept Castiel from falling into darkness.

"I have heard people say when talking about those they care for that they could not imagine life without them. But that is the thing Dean, I can imagine life without your company. But it is such a horrible excuse for an existence, filled with nothing but sorrow, that it can not be truly counted as living. I honestly do not know how I ever enjoyed myself when you were not apart of my life. So please-" The tears were now ebbing their way out of his eyes. "Please come back. F-for me . . . I do not want to be alone." This is what Castiel had been reduced to, crying over the person he really cared for , pleading with him to do the seemingly impossible.

"And Dean, if y-you felt . . . repulsed at my feelings for you. I could not hold any ill-will towards you. For it would at least mean you still were alive to do such a thing. So please . . . you have died one-hundred and seventeen times and have been resurrected just as many. I _need _you to come back, just one more time. I wish to be with you til eternity stops." There, he had said it. Castiel had just let himself become the most vulnerable with his emotions as he had ever been, and the person he laid it all out for was not even alive to hear it.

Lovingly, Castiel closed Dean's glassy blue eyes, trying to shield himself the cloudy orbs. Just as he had done with Sam, Cas tucked Dean's limp body into bed, successfully covering his wounds. Now he just looked as if he was . . . sleeping. Yeah, that was it, Castiel decided, Dean was just asleep. He and sam would soon wake up, they would continue their hunt and then they would stop off at a diner and Dean would sit next to him, letting his eyes crinkle when he laughed and he would pat Castiel on the shoulder for his innocence.

But no matter what he did, the fatal wounds were still present, the blood was still seeping into the mattress underneath. But for now, Castiel would pretend. Pretend that everything was alright when truthfully, he had never felt so close to breaking.

"Dean, I know your mother used to sing this to lull you into sleep when you were a child, so . . .so I learned the lyrics for you. I know it will not compare to your mother's rendition of the song, but I will try my best." So with these words the former angel began to sing, all the while stroking Dean's hair.

"H-hey Jude . . . don't make it b-bad." So little in and Castiel could already feel his breath start to hitch. "Take a s-sad song . . . a-and *hic* make it better." Now the tears were starting to flow again, but he continued on. " Remember . . .to l-let *hic* h-h-her into . . .your h-heart and then you . . . you can st-start to make *****sob* t-to make it, it . . . better." The tears became broken sobs that Cas could no longer hold back, but he still never let go of Dean. He had failed to keep him close and protect him once, he would not make the same mistake again.

"Hey Dean- Jude don't . . . do n-not be afraid." This time he really thought he would not be able to continue, it hurt too much. But at the same time, he could not stop either. He was already an utter failure for letting this happen to Dean and Sam, he would not even be worth the air he breathed if he was unable to do something as simple as finish a song that Dean loved.

"You were m-made to . . . go out and . . . and g-get her." He could do this. For Dean. "The minute y-you *****sob* let her under you skin . . .then . . . t-then you begin *****sob* to make it . . . to m-make it . . .to . . .to *****sob* m-make *****sob* b-better." That was the breaking point, before then, he had some feeble grasp on his emotions. But now the levees had been washed away, leaving behind a broken man to damaged to be fixed.

"I'm-m so sorry Dean! I could not *****sob* save you! Please forgive me! PLEASE! Castiel remained there for hours begging for the man he shared a profound bond with to return to him until he could not shed another tear. When he finally did manage to tear himself away from Dean's body and leave the room, he left behind everything he loved and cherished. But Castiel swore that would not be the last line, for he was going to bring them back. No matter the consequences. He did not care if he had to sew Sam and Dean up with his own veins. The life of the Winchesters would not end, his however, might.

**Do not fear, I could never leave Sam and Dean dead! There should be four more chapters which will be updated whenever I get the inspiration to write. Thanks for reading and leave a review if you liked it!**


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